Nearly all conflicts involve underlying emotional issues. The stronger the feelings, the more difficult the resolution. To resolve conflicts, then, it is absolutely necessary to address the feelings of all parties. Listed below is a conflict resolution model which emphasizes emotions.
The probability of a mutually agreeable solution is increased when:
|The Basic Steps - S. Hein
A. Seek To Understand
B. Seek to be Understood:
C. Mutually generate options & resolutions
Note: Manuel J. Smith, author of When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Smith says, in addition to the two traditional ways of responding to conflict, fight or flight, there is a third way.
This third way is to verbally problem solve.
In all my reading, this is the only time I have ever seen this idea expressed, but how much sense it makes! And if we could all remember just this one point, what a difference it would make.
|Old Methods Used by Adults on
Adapted from Thomas Gordon. Although he was talking about children and adults, the basic ideas can be applied whenever there is an imbalance of power in a conflict. S. Hein
Gordon says the "overall
result tends towards low self-esteem" of the one who
is less powerful.
With the conflict resolution method proposed here, the less powerful person is more likely to feel:
This in turn helps lead towards higher self-esteem and more agreeability and cooperation.
1. From Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Successful People