Category Archives: Uncategorized

“How can you have a right to something that is”

Today I was going to search  “How can you have a right to something that is compulsory”.

I started with …“How can you have a right to something that is”.

I got this..

No results found for “How can you have a right to something that is”.

I was searching because so many people talk and write about (and believe in) the idea of a right to education that is compulsory.

I shake my head and laugh…

 

If it is compulsory, why do you need a right to it?
I just searched that – no results.

Why not just say “All countries will force all children to go to government controlled schools?”

If not, the United Nations will … whatever – not give them funding or whatever.

Of course there are no results for “All countries will force all children to go to government controlled schools”

 

 

Derechos del niño – Rights of children

The word love – amor – is found once.
The words need or needs (necesita, etc) are found 3 times.
btw there is a spelling mistake! haha > oponión – it should be opinión
Even wordpress found this.
El niño tiene derecho a recibir educación, que será gratuita y obligatoria …
The child has the right to receive education, that it will be free and obligatory. (compulsory)…
This is the html version of the file http://www.humanium.org/es/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Declaraci%C3%B3n-de-los-Derechos-del-Ni%C3%B1o1.docx.
Google automatically generates html versions of documents as we crawl the web.

Declaración de los Derechos del Niño

20 de noviembre de 1959 (Texto completo)

Preámbulo

Considerando que los pueblos de las Naciones Unidas han reafirmado en la carta su fé en los derechos fundamentales del hombre y en la dignidad y el valor de la persona humana, y su determinación de promover el progreso social y elevar el nivel de vida dentro de un concepto más amplio de libertad,

Considerando que las Naciones Unidas han proclamado en la declaración Universal de Derechos Humanos que toda persona tiene todos los derechos y libertades enunciados en ella, sin distinción alguna de raza, color, sexo, idioma, religión, oponión política o de cualquier otra índole, origen nacional o social, posición económica, nacimiento o cualquier otra condición,

Considerando que el niño, por su falta de madurez física y mental, necesita protección y cuidado espaciles, incluso la debida protección legal, tanto antes como después del nacimiento,

Considerando que la necesidad de esa protección especial ha sido enunciada en la Declaración de Ginebra de 1924 sobre los Derechos del Niño y reconocida por la Declaración Universal de los Derechos Humanos y en los convenios constitutivos de los organizmos especializados y de las organizaciones internacionales que se interesan en el bienestar del niño,

Considerando que la humanidad debe al niño lo mejor que puede darle,

La Asamblea General

Proclama la presente Declaración de Derechos del Niño, a fin de que éste pueda tener una infancia feliz y gozar, en su propio bien y en bien de la sociedad, de los derechos y libertades que en ella se enuncian e insta a los padres, a los hombres y mujeres individualmente y a las organizaciones particulares, autoridades locales y gobiernos nacionales a que reconozcan esos derechos y que luchen por su observancia con medidas legislativas y de otra índole, adoptadas progresivamente en conformidad con los siguientes principios:

Principio I 
El niño disfrutará de todos los derechos enunciados en esta declaración.
Estos derechos serán reconocidos a todos los niños sin excepción alguna ni distinción o discriminación por motivos de raza, color, sexo, idioma, religión, opiniones políticas o de otra índole, origen nacional o social, posición económica, nacimiento u otra condición, ya sea del propio niño o de su familia.

Principio II
El niño gozará de una protección especial y dispondrá de oportunidades y servicios, dispensado todo ello por la ley y por otros medios, para que pueda desarrollarse física, mental, moral, espiritual y socialmente en forma saludable y normal, así como en condiciones de libertad y dignidad. Al promulgar leyes con este fin, la consideración fundamental a la que se atendrá será el interés superior del niño.

Principio III
El niño tiene derecho desde su nacimiento a un nombre y a una nacionalidad.

Principio IV
El niño debe gozar de los beneficios de la seguridad social. Tendrá derecho a crecer y desarrollarse en buena salud; con este fin deberá proporcionarse, tanto a él como a su madre, cuidados especiales, incluso atención prenatal y posnatal. El niño tendrá derecho a disfrutar de alimentación, vivienda, recreo y servicios médicos adecuados.

Principio V
El niño física o mentalmente impedido o que sufra algún impedimento social debe recibir el tratamiento, la educación y el cuidado especiales que requiere su caso particular.

Principio VI
El niño, para el pleno y armonioso desarrollo de su personalidad, necesita amor y comprensión. Siempre que sea posible, deberá crecer al amparo y bajo la responsabilidad de sus padres y, en todo caso, en un ambiente de afecto y de seguridad moral y material; salvo circunstancias excepcionales, no deberá separarse al niño de corta edad de su madre. La sociedad y las autoridades públicas tendrán la obligación de cuidar especialmente a los niños sin familia o que carezcan de medios adecuados de subsistencia. Para el mantenimiento de los hijos de familias numerosas conviene conceder subsidios estatales o de otra índole.

Principio VII
El niño tiene derecho a recibir educación, que será gratuita y obligatoria por lo menos en las etapas elementales. Se le dará una educación que favorezca su cultura general y le permita, en condiciones de igualdad de oportunidades, desarrollar sus aptitudes y su juicio individual, su sentido de responsabilidad moral y social, y llegar a ser un miembro útil de la sociedad.

El interés superior del niño debe ser el principio rector de quienes tiene la responsabilidad de su educación y orientación; dicha responsabilidad incumbe en primer termino a los padres.

El niño debe disfrutar plenamente de juegos y recreaciones, los cuales deberán estar orientados hacia los fines perseguidos por la educación; la sociedad y las autoridades públicas se esforzarán por promover el goce de este derecho.

Principio VIII
El niño debe, en todas circunstancias, figurar entre los primeros que reciban protección y socorro.

Principio IX
El niño debe ser protegido contra toda forma de abandono, crueldad y explotación. No será objeto de ningún tipo de trata.

No deberá permitirse al niño trabajar antes de una edad mínima adecuada; en ningún caso se le dedicará ni se le permitirá que se dedique a ocupación o empleo alguno que pueda perjudicar su salud o su educación, o impedir su desarrollo físico, mental o moral.

Principio X
El niño debe ser protegido contra las prácticas que puedan fomentar la discriminación racial, religiosa o de cualquier otra índole. Debe ser educado en un espíritu de comprensión, tolerancia, amistad entre los pueblos, paz y fraternidad universal, y con plena conciencia de que debe consagrar sus energías y aptitudes al sevicio de sus semejantes.

 

stop wasting taxpayers’ money

Mob’s taunts drove suicide boy to jump
A SIXTH-FORMER leaped to his death from a multi-storey car park after onlookers shouted up at him to “jump” and “stop wasting taxpayers’ money”, an inquest heard yesterday.
By Martin Stote
PUBLISHED: 00:00, Fri, Jan 16, 2009

Shaun Dykes 17 was told to get on with it before plunging 60ft to his death Shaun Dykes, 17, was told to ‘get on with it’ before plunging 60ft to his death

Gay Shaun Dykes, 17, who had just split up from his boyfriend, had seemed ready to step back from the 60ft drop after spending 90 minutes talking to police negotiators.

But after hearing taunts from the crowd which had gathered below, he closed his eyes, counted down from ten and jumped to his death.

Earlier that day, Shaun had sent his mother Tina a text which read: “I can’t cope with myself, I don’t know how to cope with anyone else.”

A clinical specialist who had cared for Shaun described him as a “lovely, capable straight-A student with a bright future” and said she was “beyond disgusted” that others had encouraged him to kill himself.

Detective Inspector Barry Thacker, a trained negotiator, told the inquest that attempts to talk Shaun down were hampered by members of the crowd taunting the teenager. He said: “Shaun was engaging with us but once the shouts came up he would disengage, close his eyes and count down to ten.

I think that this city lost its humanity for a period of time that day.

Chief Superintendent Andrew Hough

“That happened on three or four occasions but we managed to get him back and continued talking to him.

“The shouts were things like ‘jump’, ‘get on with it’ and ‘come on, stop wasting time’.”

Mr Thacker said he had almost persuaded Shaun to come down when one final taunt appeared to be too much for him.

He said: “I had been sat with my arms out towards Shaun. He bent down to reach down to my hand when there was a shout of, ‘You’re wasting taxpayers’ money’.

“He stood up, said ‘It’s gone too far’, and started counting down. My colleague tried to get him to re-engage.

“At that moment I thought he was going to come back down but he said ‘No’, closed his eyes and threw himself off.”

Shaun, who had previously suffered from depression and had taken two overdoses, died instantly from multiple injuries on September 27 last year.

The inquest in Derby heard that Shaun had split up with his boyfriend five days before he plunged from the city’s

Westfield shopping centre car park.

He had been staying with his grandmother in Kilburn, Derbyshire, next to his mother Tina’s home.

On the day he died, she realised he was missing and called police after finding two disturbing letters.

She said: “I tried ringing and ringing but he didn’t answer. Then he called me.

“I said, ‘Come home, come back’. I was just asking him where he was. He said Derby. He wouldn’t tell me any more.”

After yesterday’s verdict of suicide, Chief Superintendent Andrew Hough launched a scathing attack on those who had goaded the student.

He said: “Some people need to look in the mirror.

“I think that this city lost its humanity for a period of time that day.”

His views echoed those of Derbyshire Chief Constable Mick Creedon, who spoke out shortly after Shaun’s death.

He described the actions of those who taunted the teenager as “totally abhorrent”.

He added: “It disgusts me to think of their motivation and their lack of compassion towards a fellow human being obviously in distress.”

Rob Howard, headteacher of Heanor Gate Science College, where Shaun was a pupil, said: “One student told me he could not believe people place such little value on life.

“It’s almost like they are in a television show. It’s unreal.”

abetting suicide

The Supreme Court of Canada recently struck down a prohibition on aiding or abetting a person to commit suicide, but the Criminal Code’s prohibition on counselling another person to commit suicide remains valid law.

Consider our new legal landscape in light of a recent story out of Massachusetts. The circumstances surrounding the suicide of Conrad Roy, a young man who was embattled with depression, have been widely reported on in the past week.

In the months following Roy’s death, a high school senior named Michelle Carter helped raise thousands of dollars for suicide prevention in Roy’s name. Carter had been Roy’s girlfriend. And now Carter has been charged with manslaughter for her role in his death.

Police have determined from text messages between the couple that Carter knew about Roy’s plan to kill himself. Apparently, Carter not only failed to seek help for Roy, but actively encouraged him to carry out his suicide.

On the same day that Roy died of carbon monoxide poisoning in his truck, Carter texted him, “Let me know when you’re going to do it.” She is also reported to have asked him repeatedly why he hadn’t done it yet.

It gets worse. In the middle of his last suicide attempt, Roy got out of his truck, which was filling with exhaust fumes, and texted Carter, telling her that he was afraid and didn’t want to leave his family. Carter replied, “Get back in.”

Carter also reportedly texted a friend after Roy’s suicide, “I (expletive) told him to get back in … because I knew he would do it all over again the next day … ”

Police officer Scott Gordon suggested that Carter’s motivation was to attract sympathy from her friends. Mr. Gordon’s theory is based on evidence that Carter had told her friends — two days before Roy died — that it was her fault he was dead.

Under Massachusetts law, Carter has been charged with manslaughter and could face a prison sentence if found guilty. Under Canadian law, her actions more clearly constitute a crime of counselling a person to commit suicide. Had she done what she did in Canada, this crime would earn her prison time here too.

Counselling to commit suicide is a crime. But, thanks to the recent declaration from the Supreme Court, aiding or abetting suicide (unless Parliament acts) will soon no longer be a crime in Canada. Does this fly?

What if this were the young man’s umpteenth attempt and he “didn’t have the guts” to go through with it, but evidently wanted to? As Carter told her friends, “I knew he would do it all over again the next day … ” What if he had not stepped out of the truck and her text instead was, “You can do it, just a little longer”? Still a crime, right?

What if she hadn’t texted him at all while he was in the act but, knowing about his desire to die, had placed a garden hose and some duct tape in his truck? A crime? What is the difference between that and physician assisted death? The doctor’s expertise? In what, exactly?

Even if we grant that a doctor is better able to assess how badly someone wants to die than your average non-doctor, can adding a visit (or several) to the doctor erase the repulsion most of us feel about anyone in any way supporting another’s efforts to kill himself?

Is the ability to decipher whether someone’s desire to die is their own free choice really what it’s about? Perhaps Carter mistook her boyfriend’s apparent desire to die as his true desire? If it were his true desire, shouldn’t he be allowed to do it — and enlist whatever help he needs? Did she push him over the edge prematurely? Was that her crime?

Legalizing aiding or abetting suicide (as the Supreme Court has done), but continuing to criminalize counselling suicide is contradictory. It requires ignoring the subliminal message communicated by giving a suicidal person the tools to kill himself — be it a garden hose or a prescription.

Many people are wholly opposed to the legalization of assisted suicide for the simple reason that they hold the sanctity of life as an inviolable and absolute principle.

May I suggest another reason: human nature. People will use even the suicide of another for selfish gain, financial or otherwise. I would dare to include physicians among them, however few. If and when Canada begins to allow and possibly even pay for physician-assisted suicide, Michelle Carter may be watching from jail, wondering at the reward for her assistance.

 

 

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Women face up to 10 years in prison for ‘abetting suicide’

ISTANBUL – Doğan News Agency
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[Women face up to 10 years in prison for ‘abetting suicide’ ]

A probe, which was launched into two women who allegedly encouraged a man to jump off a the Bosporus Bridge in Istanbul on March 8, has been completed, with the prosecutor demanding up to 10 years in prison for each women for “abetting suicide.”

An indictment, prepared at the Istanbul chief public prosecutor’s office, said that the suspects, Hülya Uysal and Merve Özocak, allegedly abetted Erol Çetin to jump off the bridge when they shouted at him saying: “We have been waiting in traffic for hours because of you. Jump now if you are going to jump.”

Upon the women’s call, Çetin, who was negotiating with police officers trying to talk him down, jumped off the bridge some 64 meters above the Bosphorus Strait. Çetin had previously attempted suicide but had been discouraged from doing so numerous times.

The indictment, which demands imprisoning the women from four to 10 years, included the suspects’ denial of the charges in their testimonies, saying that they did not intend to commit the crime.

Meanwhile, according to the witness testimonies of police officers at the scene, he was in the process of being convinced to save himself but jumped off the bridge in a reaction to the women’s’ calls.

March/18/2016

Lutte – fiction story about suicide, being too needy

This is a fictional story based on several real-life experiences I have had lately.

Recently I met someone who told me she thinks about killing herself almost every day. I will call her Lotte. It is a Dutch name. I will say she is from the Dutch speaking part of Belgium.

We only met once in person but it was enough to touch me on a very deep level. We talked about nearly all of the things that are important to me.
We talked about feelings, emotional needs, non-violent communication, Marzhall Rosenberg, Dominic Barter, Priscilla, Angela, emotionally abused teenagers, teen suicde, education, the United States, democracy, competition, traveling, parenting.

I quickly felt very attracted to her emotionally, intellectually and physically. I received mixed signals from her in the first few days of our elationship. After we met, she continued traveling with her friends but we kept in touch online. I started to feel more secure and I shared pretty much everything with her. I felt pretty emotionally safe with her. I felt insecure but it didn’t take long before I started to feel less and less insecure. She expressed some interest in helping me with my work – something I have needed for a very long time, over 15 years.

I want to explain that a little.

When I wrote my book in 1996 I did not need much help of any kind. Then for a few years I continued to work alone without it being very painful. Around 1999 I met Sarah L. online who was cutting herself. I then met more self-harming teens. It didn’t take me long before I saw they had a few things in common. One was that they were all being emotionally abused and neglected. All of them were also very sensitive and most had higher than average intelligence, especially what I call emotional intelligence.

I learned a lot about what is wrong with society from listening to their stories. It was around then that I started feeling a need for help. Tgis is because I started to see how big the problems were. I saw the cause and effect onnections between things. For example, I saw how government controlled schools contributed to teen suicide. (That is a whole other tpic.)

It was around then that I started feeling a need for someone to help me change things.

I remember sometime around 1997 I told someonen “I want to change the world, in a big way.” This desire stayed with me and even grew as I learned more about how bad things were. More and more I felt a need for someone to help me.

Later, as the years passed and many things happened in my life, including losing the home that I loved in Canada and losing may people from my life, I started feeling more and more alone, discouraged and depressed. My need for emotoinal support grew. It seems the more I needed, the less I got so this turned into a snowball effect of constantly growing pain.

When I met Lotte I quickly fell “in need” with her. I saw that she was someone who potentially could help fill many of my unmet needs, including the needs to feel helpful, valued, important, cared about, understood. At first she did not show me much empathy. She was feeling too much pain and confusion herself. Although she is in her twenties, she still is being financially and psychologically controlled by her parents to a large degree. This was the first time she had traveled away from them for any significant amount of time. But she was traveling with two friends who took the place of her parents in many ways, for example telling her what she shold and should not do, and making her feel guilty, afraid of various things etc.

I really believed we could help each other, and for a while it seemed we were. But then I started to depend on her too much and our relationship changed quickly. It took a familiar pattern.

I became “addicted” to talking to her. We would leave each other voice messages and I loved to hear the sound of her voice. Even now it echoes in my mind. Sometimes on the messages she would cry and my heart would go out to her. She cried a lot the first day I met her and she left me give her a hug. Later I cried to and she returned the hug.

I was hoping she would change her plans and tell her friends she was going to stay in Uruguay. But she was afraid of their reaction. And afraid of her parents reaction. Her friend’s parents are friends of her parents and she was sure the word would quickly get back to them that Lotte had met some older man from America and she had lost her mind.

So she continued traveling with them but we spoke everyday. Often when we chatted they would bother her, tell her to stop chatting and go do something with them. Usually she obeyed them out of fear. She said it wasn’t worth it to listen to them if she didn’t do what they wanted. I felt really sad about this and it hurt when she would stop talking to me because of them. This started to be a repeating pattern and it became increasingly painful for me. I felt less important to her than her friends. It reminded me of when Priscilla would not have time for me because of Angela.

The last time we chatted her friends were being especially aggressive withher to stop talking to me. They did not approve of our relationship at all. She would even lie to them about who she was talking to. At the end of our last Skype call I heard her tell them that she was taling to an ex-boyfriend. They were speaking in Dutch but I heard his name and guessed correctly what she was telling them.

She asked me how ok it was that she leave the chat so she could go out with them. I had taught her how to use my 0-10 scale for “how ok” something is. She had been really sweet in using it with me in the previous days.  One dayI was having kind of a breakdown. I sent her an email to ask if she could chat and she came onine right away. It helped to talk to her and I started feeling better. Then she told me she couldn’t talk long because she said she had made plans to go to a museum with her friends. She asked how ok was it for her to leave. I said 1. She said, ok, she would stay longer and not go with them. She said I was more important to her than they were. IO cried when she said this. It was something I had needed to hear for a very long time. I didn’t tell her this but once someone I was in love and need with actually told me “My family is more important to me than you are.” So when she said I was more important to her than her friends, it was just what I needed to hear to help me heal from the pain of not feeling important enough to people who I needed or at least felt a painful need for.

The last time we chatted was different though. I could tell she really did not want to stay online with me. Or she wanted to but she was feeling too afraid of her friends. If they found out she was talking to me and not her ex-boyfriend, they would make her feel even more guilty. She had told me she was nearly terrfied they would tell her parents about me and her parents would stop sending her money. She had no money of her own and no job.

I had promised her I would take care of her financially but it was just too big of a risk for her. I feel pretty understanding of that. It is true we had just met. At the same time I felt confident we would be able to talk about our feelings and our needs and figure something out no matter what arose.

She, though, was under huge pressure from her parents. She told me that they had actually threatened to totally disown her in the past. She said they had threatened to refuse to even let her go back to their home and stay if she needed a place to live. She told me that they were very clear that the house was not her house, but theirs. She said they told her that it was a privilege to live there, not a right. She had told me this in person the day we met and I could see how scared she was that they would actually do this to her one day – total rejection and abandonment.

So anyhow, in our last chat when Lotte asked me how ok it was if she leave I had the sense that she did not want to talk to me anymore and I started to feel insecure. I thought we would talk through the situation patiently like we had done in the past. A few days earlier when I was having my breakdown, she had stayed with me till I said it was 9 ok that we stopped talking. That day I said it would help if I knew when we would talk again. Sowe agreed on a plan and that helped me feel much more secure. We actually only stayed online about 10 minutes longer than when she first asked how ok it was if she left.

But this last time was different. This last time she kind of suddenly said,  “I really have to go. They are waiting for me. Sorry. I’m really sorry! TTYL lots of hugs!! I love you xxxxxooooo.”

Then before I could answer she disconnected.

I felt pretty hurt and I wrote something in one of my online journals that she read. I guess she felt really guilty after she read it because she sent me a voice message that said something like “You don’t deserve me. I keep leaving you. I know you will find someone better than me. I can’t do this anymore. Everyone wants too much from me. Please forget about me. Find someone better. I just want to go to sleep tonight and never wake up. And that is what I am going to do. I’m sorry. I love you. Thank you for everything you have done. Please keep helping the teenagers. Maybe it is not too late for them. But it is too late for me. I am beyond repair. It’s not your fault. You tried your best. It is me. It is all me. Goodbye.

When I got her voice message I immediately tried to reach her. But she has not answered. It has been about 3 days now.

It is too hard for me to write much more about this. It is still too fresch and I am still processing things. I have decided she probably did not killherself. And I have figure out some ways to find out if she actually did. I found some people who know her on Facebook, for example. By now she is either dead or in a mental hospital. Or perhaps her parents sent her a tickect to fly back to Belgium. Or maybe they even went to go find her. About anyhing is possible.

It was really painful not to know what happened. I kept writing her to try to express my feelings and to try to reassure here that I felt accepting of her and caring towards her, and that I was concerned with her needs.

She has never had anyone really be interested in her needs. So it probably is hard for her to believe it is really as simple as I say it is. In other words, for everyone to speak honestly about their feelings and needs. I feel sure that if she said “I need so and so” I would accept this.

I actually have never felt this way about anyone. It is kind of how I have started to feel about Priscilla. I am learning to feel more and more caring about people and less controlling. I am seeing that if I become too dependent on someone, it destroys the relationship. So I have kind of concluded that if I really love or care about someone, I can’t need them so much. I need to find other ways to get more of my emotional needs met.

I have been staying in a pretty interesting hostel. Almost everyday I have at least one very interesting conversation. I can say I had two last night.
One was with a guy who calls himself an anarchist and who has actually heard of Marshall Rosenberg and NVC. And he has read a book I am reading now by Rosenberg – his book on parenting. I will be writing about that later – God willing – haha -= as they say.

And then after he left, I talked to a guy from Germany who is getting jhis PHSD in climate change. It was very intersting. He showed some interested in y ideas about feelings and needs. Then we talked about stuff related to climate change – like methane gas being relieased from what is called the tundra.

So that is all of my writing for now. tfr thanks for reading.

Oh, I forgot.. I feel more at peace now. I know that eventually I will find out if she killed herself or not. I even feel optimistic we will talk again. In the lack of information I have created my own theory. My theory is that, for now, she needs a break from the intensity of me and my needs. I said a lot of things to her that were “too true”, for example. So she needs time to process them. Stefan told me something like this when we were having our deep thoughts. He also gave me some unsolicited advice that I should go slower with people. hah. Good suggestion. I will try it with Lotte. I might forget about her eventually, but for now I am still thinkong of her a lot. I won’t write to her and keep flooding her inbox with mail. That hasn’t worked anyone. And it didn’t work with Priscilla.

I want to have a new relationship with Lotte. Or maybe a new relationship with myself, as the saying goes. Lotte has helped me see something very important. I have been repeating a similar pattern for a long time – needing one particular person too much – like Karina here in Montevideo, for example, haha. And Natalia in Brasil. And I needed Priscilla too much.

Well that is all I can write now.

She was getting pressured by them

Hostel life – tale of two receptionists and the orange juice.

One is friendly, hepful, open.

Another is .. not.

Yesterday I asked one for some orange juice at about 5 AM. She was happy to give me not just one glass, but two. Before she put it away she asked if I wanted more.

I am scared to ask this one if I could have some orange juice.

I laugh – it sounds ridiculous. But I am!

When I came downstairs this morning she looked up just long enough to see it was me. Then she put her head back down. I walked right past her, I kept looking at her to see if she would acknowledge me. She didn’t. So fuck you, is what I have to say basically.

It is so uncomfortable to be around – not just around – but controlled by someone you can’t talk honestly to! Someone you are afraid of.

I can imagine how the conversation would go, Excuse me, but I forgot your name (implying that she is not very important to me) haha

I could try to be friendly and say  “good morning! how was your night?”

i tried to talk to some guy in another hotel ayer – hotel california. he did not want to talk. he acted like I just did something wrong by trying to be friendly!

*sigh…

i wish all abused teenagrs could hang out with me for a day and just walk around with me to see how differently we get treated by different people.

i think i will go walk around now… since I am too scared to ask for orange juice.

yesterday i had two big glasses, then went for a walk… today, i only had two pieces of bread does this fucking bitch care how hungry or thirsty i am? haha

oops, i called her a fucking bitch. does that sound judgemental or hurtful?

*sigh…..

haha

but she IS a fucking bitch! – someone might protest…

so we could debate back and forth about whether she is a fucking bitch.

she is unhealthy – can we agree on that? no? someone who is unwilling to talk, someone who is not friendly, someone who is seriously overweight… still could be mentally healthy? sorry but i dont think so.  u can say i am judging her. or u can say i am using my experience to make a judgment. or make some observations.

a lot of people dont believe me. i have to keep trying and trying and trying to prove myself. it is tiring.

stefan would quickly see what i am talking about.

by the way, i met a guy who calls himself a punk anarchist. here at the hostel. from germany. haha – i would like to try to get stefan and him together to talk about beliefs. the guy i met knew about nvc!

i said have you ever heard of this model

When you say______ I feel ______

he said yes, it sounds like non-violent communication. haha

i was shocked – he said he heard about it at the hippie place – sierras de rocha. haha

he said someone asked if he believed in shadow governments and aliens.

he called some people “retards” and said he agreed with acts of violence against property – just not people.

he told me about the earth liberation front  – said they used to be top on the usa domestic terrorist list. he likes what they do. he smiled when he said they had a big book of their actions. one page for each one. i guess it helps fill his need to feel powerful when he participates in smashing windows or something. he was a pretty nice guy- probably was hit by his father and maybe also his mother. i didnt ask him.

maybe i will if i see him today. but im afraid he might feel analyzed or something and he might be afraid i will write about him haha like i am doing.

hug to st. if she wants one….

 

jw – nov 16

just read about plan condor… killins, assasinations. military dictatorships, pinochet, kissenger – feel …..scared. small.

lotte –

m.

no news from m

been trying to guess how she is feeling.  guessing she needs a break. needs distraction.  needs peace. more than caring. more than hugs. i didnt ask her if she got hugs from her friend. if she gets empathy. im guessing she cant be very honest.

feel sad for her. not sure how she feels about me writing to her even though she tried control her pain by trying to control what i do.  i laugh a little – that is kind of a funny way of putting it.

she said ‘dont write anymore because i wont answer’ – haha

hug to her if she wants one.

she was in a lot of pain

im not totally sure from what

id like to help her figure out.  im a big believer now in feelings and needs. even more than i was before.

 

jw – nov 15

i have so much to write about… it is painful.

lotte. madelyn. loo.

wanting to help people. needing help.

i still want to help lotte. she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

but i still want to help her.

at least offer some things to her.

for example some words about relationships, about expressing your pain.

Here is a pretty good model:

When you said _____, I felt ____.

Then try not to give a lecture or mini-lecture.

I am not saying that this is what Lotte did, btw. I am thinking now of someone else and combiniing the two memories.

I am in pain because I can’t find anyone else who wants/needs to talk about feelings to such a deep degree – except perhaps Stefan. Now I remember I wanted to introduce Stefan and Lotte to each other.

I feel accepting of Lotte. I feel accepting of what she said. I feel understanding of it.

She was in some pain. I am afraid to write that now. I am afraid she will feel analyzed and not understood. I am afraid she will feel pain at me writing about her here.

I am afraid to write how I feel now. I am afraid of her, or of being hurt more by her. So what do I do with my fear? I think of Stefan who was surprised to see how much I talk about fear. I am afraid he still does not understand why I feel afraid of so many things.

I feel pretty confident that Radovan would understand, and Priscilla. I would like Priscilla to feel more understood by me now. As compared to when we were together. It hurts to remember trying to explain to Stefan why I feel afraid of so many things. And trying to use Priscilla and so called “social anxiety disorder” as a way of explaining it. I wanted to show Stefan that Priscilla had valid reasons for her fears.

I am afraid the girl from Poland will not read anything else from my website. I felt avoided by her this morning. Yesterday I showed her my eqi website.

This happens a lot.

I still believe this is why one of Priscilla’s old high school friends stopped talking to her. Priscilla showed her eqi.org and she never heard from her again.

I think of Lotte. I think of empathy – and feeling similar feelings. Feeling alone for example.

I am afraid again to write what I am thinking. So what do I do with my feelings? My thoughts?

I mentioned Nathaniel Branden to Lotte. I told her that he said “you can’t leave a place you have never been”.

In other words, he said to accept your feelings, feel them. Or they will keep trying to get your attention so to speak.

So I am writing now partly for my own mental health. To let out my pain. And my thoughts. Not all my thoughts lead to pain– but a lot do.

The couple from Austria seem to be fighting today.

I feel a little judgmental of the girl. I think of Lotte. She felt judged by some of th things I said. I really would like her to learn how to use the above model:

I felt judged when you said ____.

I don’t want her to feel judged. I don’t really want anyone to feel judged.
I know I feel judgemental a lot. I am still working on that. It helps me when people give me honest feedback, in a non-attacking way. I think Lotte was feeling a little hurtful when she emailed me.  I would like to share with her what Priscilla and I tried to do. We didnt always do it but we tried – she did a better job of following this guideline or whatever than I did. We tried not to do something or say something hurtful when we were feeling hurtful.

Kind of like I might feel homicidal sometimes and kind of want to kill someone, but I don’t act on that feeling.

I am worried about Madelyn. I have not heard from her.

I