Stefan and Carolina

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Here is a pic of Stefan and Carolina… I was showing Stefan my writing when Carolina walked by to say goodbye….

Stefan and I were having a good talk. I noticed he does something that a lot of people do. They start sentences with “But….”

For example, I might say, “I am feeling alone.” And the other person might say “But there are a lot of people in the room… why don’t you talk to them. I am sure they would be happy to talk to you.”

I have thought about writing something about changing but’s to so’s.

For example, “So you would like to be more included in the conversations?” or something like that…

I might try to pay more attention to when people say “But….”

Rosenberg talked about it in one of his stories… the one where the guy was looking for a room in  a drug center and she didn’t have any rooms…

I would like to find that file but it will take me a while…

Anyhow Stefan was kind of impressed with how much I remembered from last night.. so I felt “seen” let’s say… And I guess valued because it is something that I value about myself.

I encouraged him to start a wordpress blog so we could follow each other, leave notes etc. Now he just writes on paper. I ddn’t say “You should….” I said “I would like to read your writing….”

Here is my page on the word should…
http://eqi.org/should.htm

I miss Carolina btw. There is so much I would like to talk to her about. She looked right into my eyes when we talked last night. I was drawn to her like a magnet.  She also studied human resources like me. In a few minutes of talking I could tell she was smart and sensitive. I told her that and she accepted what I said. She agreed. We did not debate about much.

At one point she said something like “Do you think I am just …..” Then we started to talk about that but we didn’t get very far, Her traveling friend was interrupting us, telling us to drink some wine and dance.

This morning I told Stefan about this and he agreed many people are afraid of serious discussions. I guess her friend also felt jealous and unimportant or less important than me for a few minutes. It was getting too painful for her, whatever it was. She probably has no idea what her emotional need was that motivated her to try to control Carolina and I.

Carolina, please dont show her this.
I am trying something new, btw. Normally I don’t show anyone or almost no one, my eqi site or my writing about them.  Stefan is secure enough, Carolina is secure enough. David is secure enough. I told Stefan I was criiticizing Cianna a lot and he said something like “But it is good to criticize sometimes.” haha. But…. See what I mean?
Yet I knew what he meant and didnt feel debated with really. I felt understood by him in that case.

I think he might have said “but both conversations are interesting” last night, when Cianna said something like “I am talkign too much” haha

Stefan did notice that I had moved out of the conversation last night. But he interpreted it wrong. haha sorry S. He said he noticed I didn’t want to talk to them anymore, or slt – something like that…. So I corrected him (rather than asking how he felt about that, I now realize — I think of how rosenberg said dont correct – or at least first show empathy or understanding before correcting – but I think S felt understood enough and didnt need empathy in that case —- anyhow I said it wasnt that I didn’t want to talk to them. I just didnt want to talk about stars anymore -I wanted to talk about serious things.

Stefan also noticed it was hard or impossible to get CIanna to talk about herself – on a deep, feelings level. He seemd ok with that. But for me it was painful.

He noticed I said I made the mistake of inviting her haha. I said ok, mistake was kind of a strong word. He said yes, it is.  he is very easy to talk to, very enjoyable to talk to, verty satisfying and fulfilling to talk to. He reminds me of what I told Priscilla many times “I need to talk to Europeans”

Hug to priscilla if she reads this. I really miss talking to u.

2 thoughts on “Stefan and Carolina

  1. Madelyn

    Hm, the word “but.” It is kind of like a rebuttal, a word that discounts what you just said. You could say that “but” is invalidation.

    Reply
  2. admin Post author

    yeah i agree – it often is a way of invalidating what someone said.

    I have noticed a lot people say things like Yeah, but… or I understand, but….

    I am pretty sure that someone won’t feel very understood if they hear “I understand but…”

    Reply

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