Monthly Archives: August 2016

Journal aug 19 – from hostel in Belo Horizonte Brazil

7:43 AM – just left my hostel dorm. walked right past a guy sitting on his bed. a brazlian i think. he looked right at me. i looked right at him and smiled a little he gave me a cold face. then looked down. i said very softly bon jia – he didnt say anything! i laughed. wow
how fucked up is that?????????
this is what it is like for a depressed teenager. surrounded by pple who they don’t feel even acknowledged by! they don’t feel welcome, safe, – they wonder if they did something wrong – but i couldnt have done anything wrong! i just got out of bed! or maybe i was snoring — idk! but his face had a look that kills, as the expression goes –
i dont think he speaks english and i am even afraid to ask him! he looks mean, scary.
i think “if there is a god he or she wants me to keep remembering what it is like to life among people who dont care about u”
then a friend asks how i am feeling – i say shitty haha
he writes


I think of the expression “dysfunctional hostel” and find this
Retro Hostel can be summed up as a dysfunctional hostel for dysfunctional individuals.
this is funny because Priscilla loved the websites cakewrecks. and air crash investigations.
trainwreck travel seems to be a combination of them sort of.

NVC speakk

the nvc people like to say “what’s alive in you”
It is really painful for me to keep seeing and hearing this.. so just now i thought
“the expression ‘what’s alive in you’ is killing me!”
this is an example of what i call nvc-speak
… as well as one of rosenberg’s favorite sayings “make life more wonderful” but would you ask a homeless person “what would make life more wonderful for you?”
or someone who just had their house destroyed for the olympic village?

From Belo Horizonte, Brazil – after hearing from my special friend

I am in SECSI Belo Horizonte – I have been helped by two people working here. They have been almost unbelievably nice to me. I thought one was going to yell at me, but he helped me by seeing what I needed – water and a bathroom – and telling me where the main/public facilities were.  I was in some little corner near a bar area that was closed.

Then another guy who saw me wandering around looking lost – like Nati Venturelli – helped me find the water fountain where I got some cold water.

Then he helped me connect to the wifi that I am using now. And he even wrote down the user name and password in case I get disconnected – without me asking!

If everyone were this nice to every one else the world would be a very diferent place.

So I also just got a message from a special friend. I will call her SF from now on. haha

I am smiling. I can’t help smile when I think of her – if I don’t feel insecure about our friendship that is!

I’ve never felt the way I do about someone else before like I do with her.

I was starting to drift away from her so to speak. And I don’t feel as close to her as I did the last time I saw her. But with just one message from her I feel much closer to her again.

It was a surprise. I had to look twiice at the name. But it was her. Earlier this morning I was really stressed.

I was afraid of the hostel owner. Afraid he would yell at me because I didn’t come back by 11 to check out.

I wrote about this in more detail but lost it…



I was afraid of the hostel owner. Afraid he would yell at me because I didn’t come back by 11 to check out.

I wrote about this in more detail but lost it…

It is so nice here — if I could just take a nap. But I don’t think the controllers allow that.

I got here totally by chance – or fate or some god or something – if you want to use your imagination haha.

Oh man, now that I heard from SF I really want to see her!!

I want to talk for hours again. Hold her hand again. Hug her again. Tease her and provoke her again! haha

Here is my face after writing that haahWIN_20160730_220818WIN_20160809_124137 WIN_20160809_124201