EQI Core Home | Love

Valentines Day

One year I was thinking about what this day means to me. I really believe that love is important. I've written about it on my love page. But even I don't write about it much and don't think about it much. Not many people do really. And I would guess that not many people actually think about love on Valentines Day.

Most people will do what everyone else does in their culture. Buy chocolate, cards, flowers etc. Maybe even buy jewelry, which serves almost no constructive purpose at all in society and is only a materialistic symbol of love. A long time ago I realized that it was better to have love than a wedding ring, which is supposed to be a symbol of love. In other words it is better to have something itself than a symbol of it.

When I wrote the original version of this I was living with a girl who was very insecure. To her, marriage equaled security. But having been divorced twice, I know this is a myth. And I know that in reality, love offers more security than marriage. Marriages are no guarantee. Love may not be a guarantee either, but it is worth much more than a piece of paper.

But as I have written about before, society doesn't really value love. It values the piece of paper. The legal document.

Which leads me back to Valentines Day.

What do we value really? Love, romance? Or the material things associated with love and romance? And I haven't even mentioned sex yet. I am sure there are lots of people who are going to spend money to buy some sexy nighties from Victoria Secret. And I am sure a lot of corporations are using our instinctive need for sex to try to sell their products.

Yet although the day has been commercialized like every other holiday, I agree it is helpful to have a day reserved to remind us of the importance of love. Maybe it would be helpful to have one a week even. Perhaps it would do many people more good than having one day a week for going to church.

I'd really like to help create a new society. I'd like to be remembered when I die as someone who was sensitive, romantic and who offered many people a lot of love. I've been criticized for telling abused young people I love them, but I have never found a better word for what I feel or for what they need to feel when they are in so much emotional pain they have to cut themselves to re-direct their brain signals.

By the way, when I originally wrote this I asked my partner if she would like me to kill some flowers (or buy some that someone else had already killed) and give them to her. She laughed and said, "No gracias."

One more thing. I've said this before, but I can't write about love and society without repeating that we don't value love in schools. We don't consider it something worthy of teaching children and teens about. This is something else I'd like to see changed.

I really hope my website is making a difference in the world, and continues to do so for many years. And I hope we all take love more seriously.

S. Hein
Oritinally written Feb 14, 2006